The Game of Blame

July 24, 2016



I think I did not realise so many negative patterns of mine until I decided to listen and analyse what people had to say about myself and my behaviour.


I still remember that day at my former job when my former boss called me in his office. He was very upset that I had not done a task he had asked me to do. As soon as he started talking my mind went on a defensive mode. I started to name and shame every single things that had stopped me from delivering the task: the alarm clock, the journey there, the rain, the other people involved, the postman, you name it!

And his simple answer was: " A bad workman always blame his tools". 

"What? I am not a bad workman, it was really his fault, you do not want to listen" I shouted silently in my mind. I felt so upset and angry as I truly believed it was all these excuses' fault the reason why I could not deliver my task.


Only years later when I started to analyse others people comments and criticism about myself that I started to believe how much truth there is in that old English proverb.


We live in a society where blame is all that we know of and practice. Every day we blame the weather, the tube journey, the bus driver, the taxman, the politicians, our boss, our colleagues for our unhappiness for things going wrong in our life. It is so much easier to blame others instead of taking responsibilities for ourselves. I was one of these people, practicing "the game of blame" every day, coming up with million of excuses for my unhappiness, my bad moods, and for tasks not being done. It felt so much better to do that than actually look into the problem and think: " Ok, what is going on here? What can I do to make this situation better?"


Are we truly giving permission to other people or facts to decide if we are going to be happy today, tomorrow and the day after? I think it is time that we take back control of our life.


I once read this sentence on a Facebook post which has completely opened my eyes ( after my former boss workman proverb): " If you are not happy is just your fault". A very harsh sentence at first, but if you let it sink in you cannot but realise that there is no way out: we are the only one that can decide if we are to be happy, sad, upset or angry each single day.

We are the only one that can decide how to be affected by a certain circumstance and decide what mood to stay in.


So next time you find yourself in a blaming mood, stop, and ask yourself:


" Is this really their fault and is there something I can do to take back control?"


Stop "the game of blame" and decide to take responsibility for your own happiness and success in life, right there in that moment.





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Debora Luzi